Poverty Stricken

“Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don't drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News.” Colossians 1:22-23

To believe this truth and stand firmly in it, I must be totally and absolutely emptied of self. Poverty stricken. I’ve known this theologically since I’ve been a Christian…almost 35 years. I’ve preached it, taught it, tried to live it but my meager attempts were all wrong. There was little room for grace. I was too hard on myself when I didn’t “live up to the expectations” of the religious people I was surrounded by. Even my own efforts to be good and do the right thing always came up short. I feel like I can never measure up. That is such a difficult place to be. I wasn’t standing firm in the truth that Jesus; because of His shed blood, sinless life, and taking on my sin; is the One whom all my righteousness is cloaked. I was living on my own merits….wearing my own “good deed doer” cloak. You would think after 35 years of this “knowledge,” I would have walked in the truth of His grace. NOTHING I do that is good will ever be good enough. The prophet Isaiah said it: Isaiah 64:6 We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. And the apostle Paul said it: Romans 3:9-12, 18 “… for we have already shown that all people, whether Jews or Gentiles, are under the power of sin.  As the Scriptures say, ‘No one is righteous-not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one.’… They have no fear of God at all.’"

Now I am beginning to be free from the bondage of the cloak of “good deed doer.” Jesus dealt with my sin once and for all on the Cross. I am beginning to live in His grace…His righteousness…His freedom. Now this doesn’t mean I can do whatever I want and God will forgive me (of course He will!). What it does mean is that love is my motivation to wear His cloak. To live in His cloak and never take it off. Love others in this cloak (whether or not they love me). Judge not in this cloak. Serve others in this cloak.  Be gracious in this cloak. Be merciful in this cloak. Forgive in this cloak. Be compassionate in this cloak. Be thankful for all things in this cloak. Jesus’ cloak of righteousness will always be pure. And that frees me from becoming a people pleaser to live for an audience of One. I may get dirty, but His cloak is pure and righteous and holy and still covers me. The Father sees me in the righteous, blood soaked cloak of Jesus…no matter how smelly my undergarments may become.

Brennan Manning writes about this poverty: “The awareness of our innate poverty, that we were created from the clay of the earth and the kiss of God’s mouth, that we came from dust and shall return to dust, pulls away the mask of prestige, of knowledge, of social class, or of strength—whatever it is we use to command attention and respect…Poverty of spirit breaks through our human pretenses, freeing us from the shabby sense of spiritual superiority and the need to stand well with persons of importance…Poverty brings us to the awareness of the sovereignty of God and our absolute insufficiency. We simply cannot do anything alone. Any growth or progress in the spiritual life cannot be traced to our paltry efforts. All is the work of grace…I am convinced that without a gut level experience of our profound spiritual emptiness, it is not possible to encounter the living God.”

Being Heavenly Minded in Earthly Battles

For the last 4½ years, I have to admit, I have not been living in the heavenly places the way I know I should have been. And I miss it.  After re-watching “The Apostle” with Robert Duvall a couple of weekends ago, I want, no I need, that constant communication with my God.  Even though he was somewhat of a nut job in the movie…you can sense his battle with the flesh and the Spirit. But on the Spirit side of things, Sonny was portrayed as a man in constant verbal communication with God (especially when no one else was around). I envied that. I used to talk to Jesus like that.

This morning I read the following passage from Ephesians with new eyes. I preached and taught from this passage many times through the years. Paul prays earlier in Ephesians that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened. “I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.”

Ephesians 6:10-19

¹⁰A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. ¹²For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

¹³Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. ¹⁴Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. ¹⁵For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. ¹⁶In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. ¹⁷Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Being strong in the Lord is so much better than trying to be strong in myself. Because my “self” is so weak. I know that in my weakness is God’s strength.

There were times over the past few years that I was often neglecting to put on my armor on. I was vulnerable and bare-chested before the enemy as he shot fiery arrow after fiery arrow. So many days I felt bloodied and defeated, depressed and fog-like. However, all of those arrows but one missed my heart. You see, through it all, my heart belonged to God. He was protecting it. Something I couldn’t do on my own. The only arrow that pierced my heart was betrayal. And since that happened, God has healed it. I wrote in my journal on March 24, 2009 that, “There really is a fate worse than death…betrayal.  There is nothing worse to penetrate the heart of a man then when the arrow of betrayal strikes it.  Rivers of blood flow impacting and rippling to the far reaches.  It is unfathomable.  It’s beyond empty.  It’s beyond the need to be healed.  It’s beyond any sense of human emotion. How did Jesus feel when He was betrayed by a close friend and confidant of 3 years?”

In my recent spiritual process of decompression and compass bearing, slumber is turning to full consciousness…the spiritual cataracts have scabbed and are falling off. Clarity is taking over and faith is being built up again. Spiritual fervor, praying in the Spirit with consistent communication, verbal gratitude, and even praise are being awakened.

I’m beginning to recapture the truth that my life is a spiritual battlefield. Anyone to whom God is going to use powerfully must first be broken.  I battle in this heavenly realm fully clothed in the spiritual armor God provides.  As I walk in spiritual nakedness it is so easy to get sidetracked, attacked, and lose the battle. But as I trust in Him I realize that I am clothed with His righteousness for the war. He has given me every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms in Christ (Ephesians 1:3). He has seated me with Him far above all rule, power, authority and dominion (Ephesians 1:21; 2:6). I am prepared to defend (the clothing) and attack (the Sword – The Word of God).  Always remembering that no weapon formed against me will prosper and that the battle is the Lord’s.

I choose to live in victory. The arrow of betrayal was gently pulled out by the Master Surgeon and He filled in that hole with a heart of forgiveness providing healing, freedom and unconditional love.

Sinking Like an Ax Head?

Did you ever feel like a sinking hunk of 5 lb. iron in a river of darkness? Doomed to land and sink into the murky seabed? That no one else really cares about the practical side of life to reach out a hand to pull you out of the mire?

And speaking of practical, did you ever borrow anything and lose it and had to explain to the lender that you lost it, even if it wasn’t your fault? Who can help you? Does God really care about things that seem so trivial?

Well, God does care. In the book of 2Kings Elisha was informed by a bunch of prophets that they need a bigger place to meet. So they all went down by the Jordan River because that was a good place to procure and cut logs. So Elisha went with them and they started cutting down trees. Then something interesting occurred:

2 Kings 6:4-7

 “When they arrived at the Jordan, they began cutting down trees. But as one of them was cutting a tree, his ax head fell into the river. "Oh, sir!" he cried. "It was a borrowed ax!" "Where did it fall?" the man of God asked. When he showed him the place, Elisha cut a stick and threw it into the water at that spot. Then the ax head floated to the surface.  "Grab it," Elisha said. And the man reached out and grabbed it.”

This passage really struck me on Friday morning.

Allow God to even use someone to “throw a stick in the water” to bring you up out of the seabed  (requires humility) and never question the method (seemed kind of silly to throw a stick in the water!).

Sometimes I feel like the ax head, sometimes I feel like the borrower.  The beautiful thing is that not only is God the God of the supernatural, He is the God of the practical.

The Sparrow's Crumb and Dying to Self -- Friday, June 7, 2013

Yesterday (Thursday) morning I had a terrible attitude. It was Wednesday’s leftovers. I was still sour even after having my alone time with God. I know He is in control, but my heart is always so heavy and self-pitiful. Mostly work related…low pay, hard work, but grateful for a job. You would think that I would have learned by now…It’s the “poor me,” self-pity bullshit all over again. (Sorry if you’re offended by that last sentence, but sometimes there are no better words to describe what it really is!) When will I learn not to be selfish, not strive to impress others, consider others better than myself, look out for other’s interests other than my own? (Philippians 2) When will I truly die to self?!

In the morning as I was walking on my way to the subway on W. 43^rd Street, I saw a sparrow hopping around on the sidewalk. He was battling a crumb to eat that was bigger than his beak, and he won! Quickly I was reminded the words of Jesus…“Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” (Matthew 6:26-27) That sparrow had more faith and courage than me. 

God will meet my needs. I will battle the crumb and win!

Before I left for work that same morning, I read this in Psalm 119.

⁶⁵You have done many good things for me, Lord, just as you promised.⁶⁶I believe in your commands; now teach me good judgment and knowledge. ⁶⁷I used to wander off until you disciplined me; but now I closely follow your word. ⁶⁸You are good and do only good; teach me your decrees. ⁶⁹Arrogant people smear me with lies, but in truth I obey your commandments with all my heart. ⁷⁰Their hearts are dull and stupid, but I delight in your instructions. ⁷¹My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees. ⁷²Your instructions are more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver.

These verses really spoke to me about my attitude regarding God’s discipline and the importance of having a teachable spirit. Am I going to allow my sufferings to cause me to shake my fist at God? Or will I see suffering as an avenue to a deeper intimacy, obedience and wake up call to pay attention to His decrees? I won’t push the snooze alarm. His instructions are priceless.

I also read this the same morning from Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32: “And ‘don't sin by letting anger control you.’ Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷for anger gives a foothold to the devil…³¹Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. ³²Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

• Don’t be angry? “But life is unfair!” Let it go before bedtime. 
• Rid myself of all bitterness? “But it’s fun to stew!”  That stew will slowly boil your soul to death. 
• Rid myself of harsh words, slander, other types of evil behavior? “Killjoy!” These may seem right and even fun, but they’re not. Putting others down doesn’t really make me feel better about myself. 
• Be Kind? “I’m a pretty nice guy.”  But it’s hard to really be kind. Bite me. 
• Be Tenderhearted? “How about someone healing my tender heart?”  Selfish prig. 
• Forgive? “Do you mean actually ask God to bless someone I can’t stand?” Yes. 

As you see…it’s all a process of dying to self.

On Wednesday, June 5, I texted my friend Marisa to pray for me. Told her I was not in a good place.  She texted back, “Romans 12:17-21.” I read it right away…

 ¹⁷ Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. ¹⁸ Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD. ²⁰ Instead, "If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads." ²¹ Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

When I read it, I was cut to the core. All day I kept hearing God say, “Die to self. Die to self.” Honestly, I hate dying to self. 

In the end, I would rather "die" a death to self than "die" a slow stew soul death.

TRUST in Unconditional Love (May 26 - June 2)

TRUST in Unconditional Love 5-26-2013

Psalm 118:8-9

"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes."

Refuge: A place of safety. Shelter from hardship or danger. SomeOne we turn to for security.

Am I really taking refuge in the Lord? Is He really the one I trust? Is my trust ruthless, at any cost, absolute, undeniable, fearless? I’m afraid not.

My tendency is to trust in people. And my expectations are lowering. I am told to trust in our government. That’s just a bold-faced lie no matter your political leanings. I’ve trusted in institutions, marriage, parenting, children, churches, pastors, teachers, women, friends, and employers. And you know what? One way or the other they have all let me down. And you know what’s even worse? I’ve played those roles one way or the other and I have let people down.

You knew this was coming…there is only One in whom I ultimately place my trust, but I waver so often. It’s not a lack of faith because I know in my heart God can do anything. The problem is me.

Ultimately my trust is in the love of Jesus. He is the only One who has loved me unconditionally.

On May 31, during our office pizza party, I had the opportunity to share what unconditional is all about. A young author’s girlfriend was starting to have concerns about her future relationship with her boyfriend. The publisher was expressing to her the importance of being his major source support and encouragement. There was another young author eaves dropping on our conversation. The publisher then asks me if I had any input, prefacing the statement to the young woman by introducing me as a man of faith. So God gave me the words from Scripture. I shared about the three types of love: Eros, or erotic love; Phileo, or brotherly, or deep friendship love; and Agape; unconditional love…the love that says, “I love you period. My love for you is based on love for who you are, not what you are or what you do.”

The love that Jesus expressed on the cross, providing the most unconditional form of love providing absolute forgiveness. Dying and rising from the dead…that we may be forgiven and live. That is the  unconditional love of Whom I place my trust.

Then I used an illustration of a young engaged couple who are on a ski trip. The man gets involved in a ski accident and becomes paralyzed from his waist down and will never walk again. If the woman sticks with her fiancé because she loves him is her expression of unconditional love. She loves him for who he is, not what he is or what he can or cannot do (walk). If she didn’t stick with him because of his paralysis, then she didn’t love him unconditionally. Well…all three were dumfounded by my (God’s) revelation. And when I looked over at the concerned woman, she looked like she had some sort of epiphany. She now had some serious food for thought. The other author had never heard anything like that and kept saying, that is so rich, so amazing.

“God loves us you as you are and not as you should be. Do you believe this? That God loves you beyond worthiness and unworthiness, beyond fidelity and infidelity, that He loves you in the morning sun and the evening rain, that He loves you without caution, regret, boundary, limit, or breaking point?” Brennan Manning

Then I read this from Brennan Manning on June 1:

“Faithfulness to Jesus implies that with all our sins, scars, and insecurities, we stand with Him; that we are formed and informed by His Word; that we acknowledge that abortion and nuclear weapons are two sides of the same hot coin minted in hell; that we stand upright beside the Prince of Peace and refuse to bow before the shrine of national security; that we are a life-giving and not a death-dealing people of God; that we live under the sign of the Cross and not the sign of the bomb.”

Even though my trust isn’t perfect, I choose to place my trust in the only true Prince of Peace. He is the one Who will NEVER let me down or put me in any situation where His unconditional love is not trustworthy. He is truly my refuge, strength, and shelter in any of life’s storms and the only One I turn to for security.