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| Matthew's Father's Day Gift |
On June 17, 2018, I
celebrated my 32nd Father’s Day. 32 years! Where has the time gone?
I remember as a young parent people saying, “Treasure these days, they go by so
fast.” Well, they were right!
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| My Birthday April 2018 |
This particular Father’s
Day was a special one. It was the first time since 2007 that I was able to
spend it with all 3 kids together. We were all at Rebekah’s (the oldest) home
where she and my 2 grandkids made an amazing meal. Rebekah made home-made
manicotti that would have made my mom proud! Ryan, my 9-year-old grandson, made
a stuffed pesto parmesan mushroom appetizer that were addicting! And Lucy, my 11-year-old
granddaughter made a mouthwatering dessert that was her dad’s grandmother’s
recipe—Honey Bun Cake. And Pegeen Donohue had shipped, all the way from
Brooklyn, authentic Junior’s Cheese Cake!
My son Matthew (the
middle child) bought me a beautiful wooden cross with 3 nails and a gold embossed
leather plaque of The Lord’s Prayer in Aramaic. And my youngest Emily gave me
her extra sky miles to cover a trip to meet her in Spain when she’s there next
year! I am truly a blessed man.
But that’s not what this
story is about. It’s about Redemption.
Redemption 1
– Epiphany
When I arrived at Bekah’s on Father’s Day, my beautiful blue eyed, freckled faced 11-year-old granddaughter Lucy came up to me, gives me her usual huge and long hug, and as I kiss her on the top of the head she says, “Happy Father’s Day Pop-Pop! You know, if you didn’t have mommy, mommy wouldn’t have had me!”
Well, at that moment I
began to get a little misty eyed as it hit me somewhat as an epiphany-like runaway
train, “This little girl is a legacy. She is a part of me. She could have been
aborted. * My grandson is a part of me. My children and
grandchildren are truly flesh of my flesh!”
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| Ryan...my brilliant and hysterical grandson! |
I was so overwhelmed from
the day that as soon as I got home I texted Bekah to thank her for the
beautiful day she planned and executed. She responded the next day: “I hope you
had a good day, Dad-eh! You deserve so much more than I was able to
do for you!”
And then I responded, “All
I deserve is all I have in you...a beautiful and amazing daughter. You have
given me more than I could ever hoped or dreamed! I love you so much.”
Redemption 2
– The Pregnancy
*Here’s
the redemptive part of the story. Back in July of 2006 my wife at the time and
I were starting a church in NYC. Our oldest daughter, Rebekah, was at home between
her sophomore and junior years at the University of South Carolina. One morning she comes downstairs to my
basement office to share some information with me that would forever change our
lives as a family.
The evening before the
core of our church group went out to celebrate our first missionary who we were
supporting and sending off to Mississippi to help in post-Katrina endeavors. When
Rebekah came to the basement she asked if I wondered why she didn’t have a
drink the night before. (Deep inside I knew what was coming next.) Then, as her
eyes welled up, she told me that she was pregnant. The next thing she told me
was “Daddy, if there is one thing you taught me, abortion is not an option.” My
first reaction was not of judgment or condemnation or anger. I told her that I
love her, support her and that we will do whatever we can do to walk with her
through this. Next, I called for her mom, she came downstairs and I told her
what was going on. She became flush, speechless at first, and let’s just leave
it at, well, her reaction was a bit different than mine. She just needed a bit
more time to soak it all in and in time became very supportive.
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| Ryan and Lucy at Vow Renewals in 2014 |
“I’m gonna be a grandpa!” Once it was decided that Bekah was going to keep the baby, exciting but stressful days were ahead. We found out that Bekah was pregnant with a girl and her name was going to be Lucy. Bekah had broken the relationship with the father (Brandon) before she knew she was pregnant and then both recommitted their lives to Christ separately, without the other knowing. To make a long story short, she and Brandon got back together and got married in May of 2007, renewed their vows in 2014 and have an awesome life together and added my amazing grandson Ryan in 2008!
Redemption 3
- Lucy
When Lucy was born (March 6,
2007), we were in New Jersey and Brandon was in Air Force training in Florida
and couldn’t be there for Lucy’s birth. I knew at that time, that I wanted to
be called Pop-Pop by my granddaughter. Anyway, when the time came for Lucy to
enter the world, her mom and I were in the delivery room with Bekah. Now let me
tell you something. It’s one thing to be there when your wife gives birth and
you watch as your children are born. But it’s another stratosphere when your
daughter gives birth and you watch as your grandchild is born!! I had the privilege
of cutting Lucy’s umbilical cord and being the first to hold her after her mom
held her. As soon as I held her I sang this song, “Pop-Pop loves his Lucy.” I
would swipe my index finger under her chin and sing Pop-Pop-----loves------his-------Lu-----cy…and
then with that last syllable, pop her on nose!
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| Dad's Day at school. Filled in for dad while deployed. (She wrote "Lucy Loves her PopPop" on the tie! |
Almost every time I see
Lucy, I still sing her the song touching her beautiful blue-eyed freckled face!
And now she sings back to me, “Lucy loves her Pop-Pop,” and pops my nose at the end! The amazing connection
I have with my beautiful granddaughter is indescribable.
Redemption 4
– The Confirmation
Before
I started writing this blog, I asked permission from Rebekah if I could share
her story. She said, “Of course!”
She
then asked me if she ever told me how she found out she was pregnant, and I
told her no. She proceeded to tell me that she was out one night with a bunch
of high school friends who were home for the summer and she told them she was “late.”
One of them had a pregnancy kit in her purse so they went to the bathroom and
discovered the news.
Bekah was the driver for the evening.
As they got in her car, the song, “High Tide or Low Tide” by Jack Johnson and
Ben Harper was playing on her CD player. It was a song she already had on her mix-CD. (It
was written by Bob Marley.) Here are some of the lyrics: I heard her praying, praying, praying /
I said I heard my mother / Her praying, praying, praying / She was praying in
the night / And the words that she said, the words that she said / They still
linger in my head, linger in my head / She said : "A child is born into
this world / He needs protection" yeah / God, guide and protect us / When
we're wrong, please correct us / When we're wrong, correct us / And stand by me
/ In these high seas or in low seas / I'm gonna be your friend / You know that
I'm gonna be your friend / Any so in high tide or in low tide / I'll be by your
side / You know that I'll be by your side / I said I heard my mother / Her
crying, crying, crying / She was crying in the night Here's a video of that song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsCDIiq0AsQ&list=PL7XmsnF-_mwIPIcSbDrlc-QYSmyfThicu&index=103&t=0s
Well,
it was at that moment Bekah started crying and realized that no matter what,
she was going to keep her baby. Thank God for His redemptive timing!
Redemption 4
Conclusion - A Happy Father’s Day Legacy
My kids have never doubted my
unconditional love for them. I have always attempted to go the extra mile for
them. I never applied the additional pressure on them that they had to act or
be a certain way because I was a pastor. I always thought that was unfair. Unfortunately,
people in the church would apply that pressure on their own. My kids always
knew I had their backs and that I was always there for them; emotionally,
physically, and spiritually. I spent the quality and quantity of time with each
of them individually to build relationships. I always believed that that rules
without relationship leads to chaos. My biggest weakness as a dad was that I
was somewhat of a passive father, not in terms of emotional passivity, but
more-so in terms of discipline. I always struggled with the fine line between
trusting them and giving them freedom as they entered their teenage years.
Where I failed was to have the courage to uncover and acknowledge the sins of
all three of them. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, it was really passivity.
Dysfunction often begins with a seemingly insignificant transgression or habit
that remains unaddressed. On the surface, it might have seemed like it was no
big deal, but as it snowballed it obviously was. Everything appears unaffected
by sin. But unresolved evil ultimately leads to consequences that fester,
causing more and more complications. As a passive and permissive parent, I fear
I may had aided in producing children who knew about God but didn’t really know
Him. Praying with them, limited family devotions, going to church, and doing
all the “Christian things” doesn’t always guarantee that children growing into
their adult years will become truly devoted followers of Jesus. We can show them the way, but can't force them into the truth. They have to find Jesus and His reality on their own.
We do what we can as parents. We
love our children unconditionally, mercifully, and compassionately. We teach
them the best we can, and “let them go.” For me, that has been the hardest
part. This is the part of the redemptive process when we get to that point and
realize that they were God’s children before they were ever ours. Our children
are on loan to us. So, we trust that as they grow and make their own decisions,
that God will hold them in the palm of His hand. They can choose to be guided
by His tender touch and grasp or jump “free” of His grasp into their own
devices and come to the realization that there is no true freedom without Him.
When I had that thought, “This
little girl (Lucy) is a legacy. She is a part of me. She could have been
aborted,” it pierced my heart. This, my readers, is what true redemption is all
about. Life isn’t perfect. There never is a promise that it will be. BUT GOD. BUT
GOD’s love is greater than all our mistakes. BUT GOD knows what we need even
though we may not get what we want. BUT GOD heals…our relationships, our pain,
our mistakes, our poor judgments, our past, our brokenness. BUT GOD… “causes
everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called
according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28
And for all of my children
and grandchildren, may they always remain in the true freedom grasp of the
loving Savior who lived, died, and rose again, not only to redeem their souls
once, but to redeem their lives every step of the way.
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| Pop-Pop Loves His Lucy! |
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