Depression Slapped in the Face! PLEASE First Read Sunday July 21 "Game Plan" Blog for Context!

Monday, July 22. Wow…God is faithful! After my rant on Sunday, this is especially powerful. The next day, Monday morning during my time with God, I read the passage below (during my daily Bible reading) from the Gospel of Luke. He knew I needed this! Now this all may sound manic but it’s awesome to me how God’s timing has pinpoint accuracy, especially considering my blog/journal from Sunday. Every day, before I read my Bible, I also read from four different daily devotional books. At the end of this blog, I included from the same date, what Brennan Manning wrote from the collection, “Reflections for Ragamuffins.” My God, who knows me better than anyone else does, heard my heart’s cry. The bedrock of my worry, fear, and depression is lack of faith and trust. As I read the words in Luke I was comforted and convinced that I have nothing to worry about! He will meet all my needs. Again…I’ve known and experienced His supernatural provision for years . So why does it seem the older I get, the more faithless I get? 

I guess I’m learning that I must react differently to each little challenge that comes my way. It’s kind of like each little test is like adding one little pebble to another little pebble that morphs into a seeming insurmountable wall. The challenge really is “one day at a time.” One pebble at a time so it doesn’t even reach the heights of a curb. And to continue with Sunday’s analogy of “game plan”…stay on the field during the game because if the game plan changes, I need to be ready to pounce. One play at a time to victory.

Luke 12:22-34 ²² Then, turning to his disciples, Jesus said, "That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life- whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing. ²⁴ Look at the ravens. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! ²⁵ Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? ²⁶ And if worry can't accomplish a little thing like that, what's the use of worrying over bigger things? ²⁷" Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. ²⁸ And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? ²⁹ "And don't be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don't worry about such things. ³⁰ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. ³¹ Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need. ³²" So don't be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom. ³³ "Sell your possessions and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven! And the purses of heaven never get old or develop holes. Your treasure will be safe; no thief can steal it and no moth can destroy it. ³⁴ Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

When will I learn?! Worry is a sin because it is a lack of trust in God and putting myself in the driver’s seat. I worry because I’m trusting in me and I know I can never manipulate life and events to go in my favor. Only God can do that as I walk in submission to Him and His will. And I would so much rather Him be driving than me. HE REALLY DOES CARE! His GPS will never lead to a wrong turn.

Brennan Manning, Reflections for Ragamuffins, July 22 -- “Let me  make  a  suggestion.  Each day take a little time to pause and pray, "Jesus, I thank you for everything ." In this simple prayer there is humility, a deep trust in his love, surrender,  and thanksgiving. It glorifies Jesus and pleases the Father. It is a cry of abandonment. Actually, it is nothing more than what Paul asked of the Ephesians in chapter 5, verse 20: "Always and everywhere giving thanks to God who is our Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ .” As you pray daily in this way, I believe you will hear the Father say something like this: ‘My child, fan the flame of your confidence in me. Keep it burning . I want you to be happy, to come back again and again to this feeling of trust until you are never without it. Trust is an aspect of love. If you love me and believe in my love for you, you will surrender your whole self into my hands like a little child who doesn't even ask, 'Where are you taking me?' but sets off joyously, hand in hand with his mother. How many blessings this happy confidence wins for you, my little one." 

I have practiced Brennan’s suggestion for two days now and I’m telling you, it’s turning things around. With each moment of stressors or conflict before my mind reacts with mental cussing or complaining, I actually say/think, “Jesus, I thank You for everything.” All a part of renewing the mind and creating a heart of gratitude to the One with limitless Love.

Torn Up Game Plan

Psalm 143:4-8 ⁴ I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. ⁵ I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. ⁶ I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain…⁷ Come quickly, LORD, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die. ⁸ Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you. 

Yes…I have felt like I have lost all hope, was paralyzed with fear, contemplated on the past, lifted my hands (and heart) in prayer, and thirsted for God. And yet it seems indeed like my depression deepens, my trust wavers, my patience thinned. I feel like I have no direction, no plan, no peace. Oh how I need a sense of His unfailing love. A waterfall of renewal. A submergence of trust. “SHOW me where to walk. I give myself to You.” 

I want God to show me where to walk but so often I feel like I turn off His GPS. I want to walk this journey on my own. Yet deep down I know my need for Him because I get lost so easily. I don’t give myself fully to Him. I give myself conditionally and don’t take up my cross daily to follow Him. I hate that about me. I know He has an awesome plan for me but I can’t see it. Not even glimpses. And that’s when the depression deepens. It’s all about trust. 

Then, a few days later I read this by Brennan Manning:

“Concretely, abandonment to the will of God consists of finding His purpose for you in all the people, events, and circumstances you encounter. If God tears up your beautiful game plan and leads you into a valley instead of onto a mountaintop, it is because He wants you to discover His plan, which is more beautiful than anything you or I could have dreamed up. The response of trust is, “Thank You  Jesus,” even if it is said through clenched teeth.”

God tore down my game plan…the perfect family, successful ministry, financial security. All of it gone. As if almost overnight. This isn’t self-pity (I know that all too well!) It’s just been the reality of my life in the past 6+ years since “Forgiven Ministries” was dissolved. It avalanched after that. It has been a long, hard, stressful road and through it all, I haven’t been very appreciating, so now…I thank you Jesus through clenched teeth and I lift my heart to you as King David did in Psalm 143:10-11 ¹⁰ Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. ¹¹ For the glory of your name, O LORD, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.

FAITHFUL LOVE

Psalm 138:8 – “The LORD will work out his plans for my life - for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me.”

This verse seems like a dichotomy. On one hand, David has the faith to know that God will work out His plans for his life because he knows in the depth of his being that God’s faithful love endures forever. Then obviously he is concerned that God has the potential to abandon him. This is what I love about the humanness of the Psalms! David’s vulnerability, authenticity and bare naked truth telling are beautiful traits of which I have an unfathomable longing. Deep down I can’t help but wonder if David knew in own soul that God would never abandon him, even though he pleads with God not to leave him to his own devices, and even worse, the devices of those who don’t like him.

In the depths of my being I know that God will work out His plans for my life. He is sovereign. He knows. He is God. I am not. And I am happy with that. I have seen firsthand God’s faithfulness in my life and in so many lives of people I know personally. Through tragedy, suffering, loss, pain, and all that life throws at me, I can say with Job, “I know that my Redeemer lives.” (19:25) And that is enough for me. I am also convinced of His faithful love. FAITHFUL LOVE. I’ve been chewing on these two words for days. Faithful…God’s love is absolutely trustworthy. His faithful love has been a constant in all my successes, failures, loneliness, hopes and dreams, family and friends, victories and defeats, betrayal…in life. And I KNOW that He will never abandon me. Even if people are not faithful or loving, it doesn’t matter because God is both. We desperately need godly people today who are filled with faithful love. Love that I know is true and committed and real and unconditional. 

There’s a huge difference between “love” and “faithful love.” “Love” will abandon. Faithful love won’t. I “love” pizza but I’m not faithful to it. Faithful love stands with you in all the ups and downs of life. God loves me no matter what. He loves me period. He may not be pleased with me all the time, but His love never changes! I’m not always pleased with my children similarly to the way I’m sure my dad was not always pleased with me. But one thing my children know is that I love them period. No matter what they’ve done doesn’t change one iota my love for them. I love them for who they are (my children) not what they are or for what they do or don’t do. And they know how much I love them and how I will always support them and “have their backs.” How much more a loving Heavenly Father loves us!! This sacred, passionate, reckless, unbridled, eternal, scandalous, unconditional love is true and amen. 

I have never been motivated by money, almost to a fault, and I am learning to be satisfied with what I have and who I am in Christ. GRACE. Upon my recent move almost a year ago, filling 5 dumpsters of accumulated “stuff” and 3 trucks of donated goods were some of the most liberating things I ever did. Whoever said, “He who dies with the most toys wins” was a liar. What really counts in life is far beyond what we accumulate in this life. Hebrews 13:5-6, “Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, ‘I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.’  So we can say with confidence, ‘The LORD is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?’"

I can never shake my fist with questions of “why.” Knowing that most of them might never be answered this side of heaven. I will not fear the future, knowing that as He has been, He is there already.

The bottom line is that I am content with the faithful love, verdicts, and direction of my Master.

TRUE FREEDOM

So grateful to God to be born and raised in this amazing country. And I am also grateful for all of the men and women who fought and continue to fight for our Freedom. Unfortunately, it often seems our Freedom is attacked from inside and outside our blessed nation. But national freedom doesn’t compare to personal freedom that God provides…Freedom to be His children in the “soul playground” of our loving Father.

TRUE FREEDOM is found in no other: “God sent Jesus to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.  And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father." Now you are no longer a slave but God's own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir.” Galatians 4:5-7