LABELS

I’m sick and tired of “ists”: Leftists, rightists, extremists, lobbyists, political activists, Wall Streetists, Hollywood and media elitists, racists, abortionists, anti-abortionists, masochists, feminists, hedonists, nihilists, narcissists, atheists, religionists, animal activists, spiritualists, gay activists, and any other “ists” you can imagine. Frankly, I’m sick of all of it. What this world needs is more “Jesus-ists.” A people who live non-judgmental, unconditional lives of love, forgiveness, mercy, grace,  and compassion. And more people who are willing to “give up their own lives” and agendas for Jesus. When we look to Him, we will find the Truth. But it is so unfortunate that our own agendas blind us to the Master’s agenda of providing true peace, hope, love, freedom and reconciliation. Let’s stop making God in our own image and live lives conformed to His.

“The terrible thing is that our society, which pretends to be Christian, is in fact rejecting the word of God, enabled to do so by the all-pervading, suffocating noise of its own propaganda, able to make itself believe whatever it wants.” Thomas Merton

Matthew 10:34, 39 "Don't imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword…If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.” Jesus

And yes...I'm an IDEALIST!

Depression Slapped in the Face! PLEASE First Read Sunday July 21 "Game Plan" Blog for Context!

Monday, July 22. Wow…God is faithful! After my rant on Sunday, this is especially powerful. The next day, Monday morning during my time with God, I read the passage below (during my daily Bible reading) from the Gospel of Luke. He knew I needed this! Now this all may sound manic but it’s awesome to me how God’s timing has pinpoint accuracy, especially considering my blog/journal from Sunday. Every day, before I read my Bible, I also read from four different daily devotional books. At the end of this blog, I included from the same date, what Brennan Manning wrote from the collection, “Reflections for Ragamuffins.” My God, who knows me better than anyone else does, heard my heart’s cry. The bedrock of my worry, fear, and depression is lack of faith and trust. As I read the words in Luke I was comforted and convinced that I have nothing to worry about! He will meet all my needs. Again…I’ve known and experienced His supernatural provision for years . So why does it seem the older I get, the more faithless I get? 

I guess I’m learning that I must react differently to each little challenge that comes my way. It’s kind of like each little test is like adding one little pebble to another little pebble that morphs into a seeming insurmountable wall. The challenge really is “one day at a time.” One pebble at a time so it doesn’t even reach the heights of a curb. And to continue with Sunday’s analogy of “game plan”…stay on the field during the game because if the game plan changes, I need to be ready to pounce. One play at a time to victory.

Luke 12:22-34 ²² Then, turning to his disciples, Jesus said, "That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life- whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing. ²⁴ Look at the ravens. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! ²⁵ Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? ²⁶ And if worry can't accomplish a little thing like that, what's the use of worrying over bigger things? ²⁷" Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. ²⁸ And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? ²⁹ "And don't be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don't worry about such things. ³⁰ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. ³¹ Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need. ³²" So don't be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom. ³³ "Sell your possessions and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven! And the purses of heaven never get old or develop holes. Your treasure will be safe; no thief can steal it and no moth can destroy it. ³⁴ Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

When will I learn?! Worry is a sin because it is a lack of trust in God and putting myself in the driver’s seat. I worry because I’m trusting in me and I know I can never manipulate life and events to go in my favor. Only God can do that as I walk in submission to Him and His will. And I would so much rather Him be driving than me. HE REALLY DOES CARE! His GPS will never lead to a wrong turn.

Brennan Manning, Reflections for Ragamuffins, July 22 -- “Let me  make  a  suggestion.  Each day take a little time to pause and pray, "Jesus, I thank you for everything ." In this simple prayer there is humility, a deep trust in his love, surrender,  and thanksgiving. It glorifies Jesus and pleases the Father. It is a cry of abandonment. Actually, it is nothing more than what Paul asked of the Ephesians in chapter 5, verse 20: "Always and everywhere giving thanks to God who is our Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ .” As you pray daily in this way, I believe you will hear the Father say something like this: ‘My child, fan the flame of your confidence in me. Keep it burning . I want you to be happy, to come back again and again to this feeling of trust until you are never without it. Trust is an aspect of love. If you love me and believe in my love for you, you will surrender your whole self into my hands like a little child who doesn't even ask, 'Where are you taking me?' but sets off joyously, hand in hand with his mother. How many blessings this happy confidence wins for you, my little one." 

I have practiced Brennan’s suggestion for two days now and I’m telling you, it’s turning things around. With each moment of stressors or conflict before my mind reacts with mental cussing or complaining, I actually say/think, “Jesus, I thank You for everything.” All a part of renewing the mind and creating a heart of gratitude to the One with limitless Love.

Torn Up Game Plan

Psalm 143:4-8 ⁴ I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. ⁵ I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. ⁶ I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain…⁷ Come quickly, LORD, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die. ⁸ Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you. 

Yes…I have felt like I have lost all hope, was paralyzed with fear, contemplated on the past, lifted my hands (and heart) in prayer, and thirsted for God. And yet it seems indeed like my depression deepens, my trust wavers, my patience thinned. I feel like I have no direction, no plan, no peace. Oh how I need a sense of His unfailing love. A waterfall of renewal. A submergence of trust. “SHOW me where to walk. I give myself to You.” 

I want God to show me where to walk but so often I feel like I turn off His GPS. I want to walk this journey on my own. Yet deep down I know my need for Him because I get lost so easily. I don’t give myself fully to Him. I give myself conditionally and don’t take up my cross daily to follow Him. I hate that about me. I know He has an awesome plan for me but I can’t see it. Not even glimpses. And that’s when the depression deepens. It’s all about trust. 

Then, a few days later I read this by Brennan Manning:

“Concretely, abandonment to the will of God consists of finding His purpose for you in all the people, events, and circumstances you encounter. If God tears up your beautiful game plan and leads you into a valley instead of onto a mountaintop, it is because He wants you to discover His plan, which is more beautiful than anything you or I could have dreamed up. The response of trust is, “Thank You  Jesus,” even if it is said through clenched teeth.”

God tore down my game plan…the perfect family, successful ministry, financial security. All of it gone. As if almost overnight. This isn’t self-pity (I know that all too well!) It’s just been the reality of my life in the past 6+ years since “Forgiven Ministries” was dissolved. It avalanched after that. It has been a long, hard, stressful road and through it all, I haven’t been very appreciating, so now…I thank you Jesus through clenched teeth and I lift my heart to you as King David did in Psalm 143:10-11 ¹⁰ Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. ¹¹ For the glory of your name, O LORD, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.

Being Heavenly Minded in Earthly Battles

For the last 4½ years, I have to admit, I have not been living in the heavenly places the way I know I should have been. And I miss it.  After re-watching “The Apostle” with Robert Duvall a couple of weekends ago, I want, no I need, that constant communication with my God.  Even though he was somewhat of a nut job in the movie…you can sense his battle with the flesh and the Spirit. But on the Spirit side of things, Sonny was portrayed as a man in constant verbal communication with God (especially when no one else was around). I envied that. I used to talk to Jesus like that.

This morning I read the following passage from Ephesians with new eyes. I preached and taught from this passage many times through the years. Paul prays earlier in Ephesians that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened. “I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.”

Ephesians 6:10-19

¹⁰A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. ¹²For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

¹³Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. ¹⁴Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. ¹⁵For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. ¹⁶In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. ¹⁷Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Being strong in the Lord is so much better than trying to be strong in myself. Because my “self” is so weak. I know that in my weakness is God’s strength.

There were times over the past few years that I was often neglecting to put on my armor on. I was vulnerable and bare-chested before the enemy as he shot fiery arrow after fiery arrow. So many days I felt bloodied and defeated, depressed and fog-like. However, all of those arrows but one missed my heart. You see, through it all, my heart belonged to God. He was protecting it. Something I couldn’t do on my own. The only arrow that pierced my heart was betrayal. And since that happened, God has healed it. I wrote in my journal on March 24, 2009 that, “There really is a fate worse than death…betrayal.  There is nothing worse to penetrate the heart of a man then when the arrow of betrayal strikes it.  Rivers of blood flow impacting and rippling to the far reaches.  It is unfathomable.  It’s beyond empty.  It’s beyond the need to be healed.  It’s beyond any sense of human emotion. How did Jesus feel when He was betrayed by a close friend and confidant of 3 years?”

In my recent spiritual process of decompression and compass bearing, slumber is turning to full consciousness…the spiritual cataracts have scabbed and are falling off. Clarity is taking over and faith is being built up again. Spiritual fervor, praying in the Spirit with consistent communication, verbal gratitude, and even praise are being awakened.

I’m beginning to recapture the truth that my life is a spiritual battlefield. Anyone to whom God is going to use powerfully must first be broken.  I battle in this heavenly realm fully clothed in the spiritual armor God provides.  As I walk in spiritual nakedness it is so easy to get sidetracked, attacked, and lose the battle. But as I trust in Him I realize that I am clothed with His righteousness for the war. He has given me every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms in Christ (Ephesians 1:3). He has seated me with Him far above all rule, power, authority and dominion (Ephesians 1:21; 2:6). I am prepared to defend (the clothing) and attack (the Sword – The Word of God).  Always remembering that no weapon formed against me will prosper and that the battle is the Lord’s.

I choose to live in victory. The arrow of betrayal was gently pulled out by the Master Surgeon and He filled in that hole with a heart of forgiveness providing healing, freedom and unconditional love.

The Sparrow's Crumb and Dying to Self -- Friday, June 7, 2013

Yesterday (Thursday) morning I had a terrible attitude. It was Wednesday’s leftovers. I was still sour even after having my alone time with God. I know He is in control, but my heart is always so heavy and self-pitiful. Mostly work related…low pay, hard work, but grateful for a job. You would think that I would have learned by now…It’s the “poor me,” self-pity bullshit all over again. (Sorry if you’re offended by that last sentence, but sometimes there are no better words to describe what it really is!) When will I learn not to be selfish, not strive to impress others, consider others better than myself, look out for other’s interests other than my own? (Philippians 2) When will I truly die to self?!

In the morning as I was walking on my way to the subway on W. 43^rd Street, I saw a sparrow hopping around on the sidewalk. He was battling a crumb to eat that was bigger than his beak, and he won! Quickly I was reminded the words of Jesus…“Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” (Matthew 6:26-27) That sparrow had more faith and courage than me. 

God will meet my needs. I will battle the crumb and win!

Before I left for work that same morning, I read this in Psalm 119.

⁶⁵You have done many good things for me, Lord, just as you promised.⁶⁶I believe in your commands; now teach me good judgment and knowledge. ⁶⁷I used to wander off until you disciplined me; but now I closely follow your word. ⁶⁸You are good and do only good; teach me your decrees. ⁶⁹Arrogant people smear me with lies, but in truth I obey your commandments with all my heart. ⁷⁰Their hearts are dull and stupid, but I delight in your instructions. ⁷¹My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees. ⁷²Your instructions are more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver.

These verses really spoke to me about my attitude regarding God’s discipline and the importance of having a teachable spirit. Am I going to allow my sufferings to cause me to shake my fist at God? Or will I see suffering as an avenue to a deeper intimacy, obedience and wake up call to pay attention to His decrees? I won’t push the snooze alarm. His instructions are priceless.

I also read this the same morning from Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32: “And ‘don't sin by letting anger control you.’ Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷for anger gives a foothold to the devil…³¹Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. ³²Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

• Don’t be angry? “But life is unfair!” Let it go before bedtime. 
• Rid myself of all bitterness? “But it’s fun to stew!”  That stew will slowly boil your soul to death. 
• Rid myself of harsh words, slander, other types of evil behavior? “Killjoy!” These may seem right and even fun, but they’re not. Putting others down doesn’t really make me feel better about myself. 
• Be Kind? “I’m a pretty nice guy.”  But it’s hard to really be kind. Bite me. 
• Be Tenderhearted? “How about someone healing my tender heart?”  Selfish prig. 
• Forgive? “Do you mean actually ask God to bless someone I can’t stand?” Yes. 

As you see…it’s all a process of dying to self.

On Wednesday, June 5, I texted my friend Marisa to pray for me. Told her I was not in a good place.  She texted back, “Romans 12:17-21.” I read it right away…

 ¹⁷ Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. ¹⁸ Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD. ²⁰ Instead, "If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads." ²¹ Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

When I read it, I was cut to the core. All day I kept hearing God say, “Die to self. Die to self.” Honestly, I hate dying to self. 

In the end, I would rather "die" a death to self than "die" a slow stew soul death.