FAITHFUL LOVE

Psalm 138:8 – “The LORD will work out his plans for my life - for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me.”

This verse seems like a dichotomy. On one hand, David has the faith to know that God will work out His plans for his life because he knows in the depth of his being that God’s faithful love endures forever. Then obviously he is concerned that God has the potential to abandon him. This is what I love about the humanness of the Psalms! David’s vulnerability, authenticity and bare naked truth telling are beautiful traits of which I have an unfathomable longing. Deep down I can’t help but wonder if David knew in own soul that God would never abandon him, even though he pleads with God not to leave him to his own devices, and even worse, the devices of those who don’t like him.

In the depths of my being I know that God will work out His plans for my life. He is sovereign. He knows. He is God. I am not. And I am happy with that. I have seen firsthand God’s faithfulness in my life and in so many lives of people I know personally. Through tragedy, suffering, loss, pain, and all that life throws at me, I can say with Job, “I know that my Redeemer lives.” (19:25) And that is enough for me. I am also convinced of His faithful love. FAITHFUL LOVE. I’ve been chewing on these two words for days. Faithful…God’s love is absolutely trustworthy. His faithful love has been a constant in all my successes, failures, loneliness, hopes and dreams, family and friends, victories and defeats, betrayal…in life. And I KNOW that He will never abandon me. Even if people are not faithful or loving, it doesn’t matter because God is both. We desperately need godly people today who are filled with faithful love. Love that I know is true and committed and real and unconditional. 

There’s a huge difference between “love” and “faithful love.” “Love” will abandon. Faithful love won’t. I “love” pizza but I’m not faithful to it. Faithful love stands with you in all the ups and downs of life. God loves me no matter what. He loves me period. He may not be pleased with me all the time, but His love never changes! I’m not always pleased with my children similarly to the way I’m sure my dad was not always pleased with me. But one thing my children know is that I love them period. No matter what they’ve done doesn’t change one iota my love for them. I love them for who they are (my children) not what they are or for what they do or don’t do. And they know how much I love them and how I will always support them and “have their backs.” How much more a loving Heavenly Father loves us!! This sacred, passionate, reckless, unbridled, eternal, scandalous, unconditional love is true and amen. 

I have never been motivated by money, almost to a fault, and I am learning to be satisfied with what I have and who I am in Christ. GRACE. Upon my recent move almost a year ago, filling 5 dumpsters of accumulated “stuff” and 3 trucks of donated goods were some of the most liberating things I ever did. Whoever said, “He who dies with the most toys wins” was a liar. What really counts in life is far beyond what we accumulate in this life. Hebrews 13:5-6, “Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, ‘I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.’  So we can say with confidence, ‘The LORD is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?’"

I can never shake my fist with questions of “why.” Knowing that most of them might never be answered this side of heaven. I will not fear the future, knowing that as He has been, He is there already.

The bottom line is that I am content with the faithful love, verdicts, and direction of my Master.

The Sparrow's Crumb and Dying to Self -- Friday, June 7, 2013

Yesterday (Thursday) morning I had a terrible attitude. It was Wednesday’s leftovers. I was still sour even after having my alone time with God. I know He is in control, but my heart is always so heavy and self-pitiful. Mostly work related…low pay, hard work, but grateful for a job. You would think that I would have learned by now…It’s the “poor me,” self-pity bullshit all over again. (Sorry if you’re offended by that last sentence, but sometimes there are no better words to describe what it really is!) When will I learn not to be selfish, not strive to impress others, consider others better than myself, look out for other’s interests other than my own? (Philippians 2) When will I truly die to self?!

In the morning as I was walking on my way to the subway on W. 43^rd Street, I saw a sparrow hopping around on the sidewalk. He was battling a crumb to eat that was bigger than his beak, and he won! Quickly I was reminded the words of Jesus…“Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” (Matthew 6:26-27) That sparrow had more faith and courage than me. 

God will meet my needs. I will battle the crumb and win!

Before I left for work that same morning, I read this in Psalm 119.

⁶⁵You have done many good things for me, Lord, just as you promised.⁶⁶I believe in your commands; now teach me good judgment and knowledge. ⁶⁷I used to wander off until you disciplined me; but now I closely follow your word. ⁶⁸You are good and do only good; teach me your decrees. ⁶⁹Arrogant people smear me with lies, but in truth I obey your commandments with all my heart. ⁷⁰Their hearts are dull and stupid, but I delight in your instructions. ⁷¹My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees. ⁷²Your instructions are more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver.

These verses really spoke to me about my attitude regarding God’s discipline and the importance of having a teachable spirit. Am I going to allow my sufferings to cause me to shake my fist at God? Or will I see suffering as an avenue to a deeper intimacy, obedience and wake up call to pay attention to His decrees? I won’t push the snooze alarm. His instructions are priceless.

I also read this the same morning from Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32: “And ‘don't sin by letting anger control you.’ Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷for anger gives a foothold to the devil…³¹Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. ³²Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

• Don’t be angry? “But life is unfair!” Let it go before bedtime. 
• Rid myself of all bitterness? “But it’s fun to stew!”  That stew will slowly boil your soul to death. 
• Rid myself of harsh words, slander, other types of evil behavior? “Killjoy!” These may seem right and even fun, but they’re not. Putting others down doesn’t really make me feel better about myself. 
• Be Kind? “I’m a pretty nice guy.”  But it’s hard to really be kind. Bite me. 
• Be Tenderhearted? “How about someone healing my tender heart?”  Selfish prig. 
• Forgive? “Do you mean actually ask God to bless someone I can’t stand?” Yes. 

As you see…it’s all a process of dying to self.

On Wednesday, June 5, I texted my friend Marisa to pray for me. Told her I was not in a good place.  She texted back, “Romans 12:17-21.” I read it right away…

 ¹⁷ Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. ¹⁸ Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD. ²⁰ Instead, "If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads." ²¹ Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

When I read it, I was cut to the core. All day I kept hearing God say, “Die to self. Die to self.” Honestly, I hate dying to self. 

In the end, I would rather "die" a death to self than "die" a slow stew soul death.